Shrunken Sweaters And Gorilla Backpacks: More SSIC Q and A

Hooray! Hooray! The first of May! 

Outdoor "activities" start today.

It’s certainly not my intent

To wrongly convey what I meant.

For if one thinks that I’d imply

Improper acts, they must be high. 

The euphemism “activities” 

Refers to passive pursuits like these: 

Contemplating nature and

Lying in the sun and sand.

Hooray! Hooray! It’s May the first.

Of all my poems, this one’s the worst.

Ugh. Enough of that. Let's move on.

Once again, we at Snow Shoveling In Canada are here to answer some of the most pressing questions of our time. Think of us as the Lighthouse of Alexandria with its nearby library; a beacon of knowledge shining out of the misty fog of general dumbness.

Hooray! Hooray! The first of May!
Let's begin our Q and A. 

Enough already! Besides, it's May 4th. Sheesh!

Q:  In what sport is double dribble a violation?
A:  Recently in USA Today's Daily True Trivia game, players were asked if the statement "Double dribble is a violation in baseball" was true or false. Many of you out there might think that double dribble is an illegal move in basketball, and would choose false. However, the brainy quizmasters at USA Today beg to differ. They claim the statement is true. 

Although the research team here at Snow Shoveling In Canada could not verify their assertion, we do know that a lot of tobacco is chewed during a baseball game. Many a time have we seen baccy juice dribble down a ball player's chin. If that happens twice in an inning, it could be considered a double dribble. But, other than the fact that it's rather disgusting, we're not sure why it is considered a violation.

Q:  Are there any backpacks that sorta look like a gorilla?
A:  Believe it or not -

A review of it can be found here, Dakine Poacher 36L Backpack, but it says nothing about gorillas.

Q:  Are there any gorillas that sorta look like a backpack?

A:  Not really, but we found one that somewhat resembles the Dakine Poacher 36L:

Q:  I accidentally put my wife's wool sweater in the dryer and it shrunk. What can I do?

A:  You could sell it on Poshmark. 

The woman in the above photo from the TV ad gushes about all the fabulous fashion she finds at Poshmark. So you should have no problem peddling your teeny tiny top to Poshmark shoppers.

Q:  Yes, that's good advice, but before I resort to that, I want to try and stretch it back into shape before my wife sees it. What should I do?

A:  Speaking from experience, I once also put my wife's wool sweater through the washer and dryer. I couldn't believe what came out was the same article of clothing I put in. I tried to stretch it out, but when I pulled on the sleeve, I ripped it right off. It looks as though the sweater on the woman in the above photo has also had its sleeve pulled on, as you can see where it's coming apart at her shoulder.

As long as you didn't shrink it too much, you could try doing what I did after I shrank another one of my wife's sweaters (you'd think I'd learned my lesson). With tremendous effort, I somehow squeezed my way into the sweater and did a few bodybuilder poses to stretch it out. It was still smaller than pre-laundered, but compared to the Poshmark girl's sweater, it was a veritable baggy oversized loose knit.

Q:  I hate doing laundry. How can I get my wife to handle all of the laundry duties?

A:  Just do what I did and shrink two of her favorite sweaters.

Here are some actual questions from the "unanswered" section of Answers.com. We shall strive to shed light on these queries with our knowledgeable insightful enlightening perspicacity (thank you Thesaurus.com):

Q:  Crockpot recipe for pork chops, rice and mushrooms?

A:  Ingredients: pork chops, rice and mushrooms.

      Directions: Cook in crockpot. Enjoy.

Q:  9logX-2logy=log X9/Y2?

A:  If you say so.

Q:  What would happen if a person fell on Jupiter?

A:  The planet or the god? In either case, the result would be disastrous. If you're talking planet, then stay sober and wear a helmet, elbow pads, and knee pads on your next visit to that giant orb. If you're talking god, then God help you.

Answers.com also has this question from one Hinda Faarax:
"4777712.hinda.faarax?" To which someone answered, "huh?" 

Now that's a pretty good answer to that particular question. However, we found that Hinda had answered someone else's question of "How do you write 170 million in number?" with the response, "4777712.hinda.faarax"

So with that information in mind, we can revisit Hinda's original question and provide the correct response:

Q:  4777712.hinda.faarax?
A:  170 million written in number.

Finally, here are a couple more questions and answers from a previous post that deserve another look:

Q:  How do you spell rinocerus rhinoseros rhinosoros rihnocerous oh, the hell with it.
A:  We believe the word you’re looking for is rhinosaurus; a great lizard of the sebaceous period. This fearsome giant is the ancestor to our modern day horned hippoplatypus.

Q:  Who stole the kishka?
A:  Since a Wikipedia article describes kishka in part as “a blood sausage made with pig's blood and buckwheat or barley, with pig's intestines used as a casing…” then we have no idea who in their right mind would think this an item worth pilfering. We suggest you consult your local constabulary. They may want to check some emergency rooms for any recent admits with gastrointestinal distress.

Any questions?