Beagle Call Rag

As a Canadian, it's a good thing that I don't suffer from chionophobia or frigophobia. Respectively, those are fears of snow and cold. Then again, a fear of something might spur on your instinct to get rid of it. A fear of snow would lead to a healthy urge to shovel it away.

There are a number of phobias, but the phobia to end all phobias is phobophobia - a fear of being afraid. As FDR said, "...the only phobia we should have is phobophobia" or something like that.

Our beagle, Sandy, suffers terribly from astraphobia, also known as brontophobia or tonitrophobia - the fear of thunder.

I don't even dare show this photo to our dog

We've tried several strategies to relieve Sandy (a boy by the way, like Little Orphan Annie's dog) from his dreadful fear. I'll bet we've tried every idea found on an internet search.  

One suggestion is to put on some classical music. Veterinary behaviorists say it works magic on scared pets. I tried that with Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture. It didn't work. In fact, it seemed to make things worse.

Another strategy is to try a thunder shirt. That didn't work either. Even a kid's size was way too big and baggy. Besides, my dog didn't want to be seen in it. His favorite basketball team is the Minnesota Timberwolves.

I'm sorry, but this shirt does nothing for astraphobic dogs or canine basketball fans

One website states that "dogs are den animals and feel safer in a more enclosed environment" which explains why our furry friends try to hide under a bed during storms or fireworks displays.

To be honest, I kind of like it when our little guy shivers and quivers while cowering under the bed. He gets the whole bed a-shakin'. It's just like one of those Magic Fingers devices found at cheap hotels in the 1970's. I get a free massage! The boom of thunder is as welcome as the clink of a quarter into the Magic Fingers coin slot. 

The cost is only 25 cents or 1 terribly frightened pooch

Another bonus of these situations is that Sandy remains relatively quiet. The only sound is his panting. The sound ain't much, but the odor of his breath - HOO BOY! - a potent blend of dog food, fear, and liver treats.

On the other hand, during nice weather, this crazy cur can drive us cuckoo. Vociferous doesn't describe him. Daily, our neighbors gather together to perform a rain dance in hope that a thunderstorm will shut him up and send him back under the bed. He will bark at any scent or movement within a five mile radius of his domain.

God forbid a chipmunk should tiptoe through the yard sometime during any 72 hour period lest Sandy start baying like he was hot on the trail of Cool Hand Luke. This is what I really worry about late at night when Sandy rings the PoochieBells ® to go out. If he goes bonkers on a scent at 3 in the morning, then the neighbors couldn't be more upset if I were out there waking them up with a bugle instead of a beagle.

Keep in mind, if you want to have a dog as part of your household, then you need to be committed. The barking and the shivering notwithstanding, it can be very entertaining to be a dog owner. 

I hesitate to relate the following story for fear that readers should think my wife and I are unfit owners, but here it is:

My wife bought a jar of coconut oil at a local flea market. Coconut oil is allegedly useful for everything from skin care, to cooking, to overall health, to... I don't know, probably home renovations.    

Anyway, my wife had left the jar unopened on the nightstand in the bedroom. I don't know how long it had been there like that, but I happened upon it and noticed that the jar was empty - completely empty, as if it had been licked clean. 

Immediately after letting my wife know about this, there was Sandy dancing the beagle boogie at the door in an effort to let us know that he really needed to go. He dashed out into the yard and got no further than two feet into the grassy area and -WHOOOSH!- a movement that would have made the makers of Purg-Odan envious. I guess you can add "dog laxative" to the other uses for coconut oil.

Sandy must have gotten to the jar from the bed, otherwise I'm not sure how he got at it since the night table is a good thirty-two inches high.  

Believe it or not, while researching for this blog post, I was reading a website's list of the benefits of coconut oil, and for hydrating dry hands it states, "Coconut oil can work wonders on dry, itchy skin. 'I keep a jar of organic extra virgin coconut oil by the kitchen sink and put a little on after washing my hands to keep them soft and moist,' says Dr. Low Dog." 

Dr. Low Dog? While I'm writing about our short-assed beagle somehow getting at a jar of coconut oil on the nightstand? You just can't make this stuff up.

Sandy likes to stay warm in bed while the humans are out shoveling snow

Betcha can't eat just one

However, anyone who has been in our house can attest to the fact that we love our beagle:

I think it's pretty obvious.

Finally, just as I was about to publish this post, I saw that my wife had written "Sears" on the calendar for this coming Sunday. 

Not being much of a shopper, I didn't realize until now that Sears hasn't been around in Canada since 2018. So I said, "Honey, Sears isn't open on Sunday." 
She replied, "I was afraid you were going to read it that way. I'm giving Sandy his ear drops on Sunday."