I Wonder How Many Seven Wonders There Are

A fellow blogger once asked me, "Why don't you have a book out yet?"  I responded, "Actually, I do have a book out. The library has been hounding me for years to return it."

I have had dreams of writing the next great classic novel — something so great in scope and ambition as to have the critics absolutely screaming for me to win the Nobel Prize in literature. 

The novel I had in mind was of a man on a journey to see all of the Seven Wonders of the World. At each site, he would describe what he has seen and make different philosophical musings about how he was feeling, corresponding to a particular wonder; nature at the Temple of Artemis, mystery at the Pyramid, death at the Mausoleum, and so on.

However, anyone who has lived as long as I have should finally come to terms with their limitations and abilities. No creator of great literature am I, but I are a pretty good blogger! And so with that in mind, I've decided to scale back my scope and ambition considerably; no prologue, no epilogue, and very little dialogue. Just blog, blog, blog.

So here for you pleasurable perusal, rather than a book, is a blog post. Consider this as my pocket-sized rendering of the next great novel.

You know, it always bugs me when someone lists the Seven Wonders of the World and feels the need to qualify them as the "Seven Wonders of the Ancient World". I understand however why they do so. It's because of the overabundance of those lousy lists. But it is those other lists that require qualifiers, not the original. 

There are so many so-called wonders, that it's no wonder someone has named something as mundane as a loaf of bread a "wonder".  

There are likely seven thousand so-called "seven wonders". Wikipedia lists a staggering number of them. They include:

USA Today's New Seven Wonders.

One of theirs is the Internet. It truly is a wonder that something which provides perhaps more disinformation than useful info, would be considered a wonder by anyone. It could just as easily be worthy of consideration in a seven "blunders" list.

Seven Wonders of the Underwater World.

I wonder if there is a Seven Wonders of the Underworld. I wonder if "cement shoes" should be on both of those lists.

Seven Wonders of the Industrial World   
Their list includes the London sewerage system. I wonder if some people think that this inclusion stinks.
Also included is the ship the SS Great Eastern. I wonder why they didn't go with Boaty McBoatface instead. 

Seven Wonders' Wonders of Romania.  
This one has thirteen entries. I wonder if they count differently in Romania. I wonder why Count Dracula isn't in there somewhere. I wonder what is meant by "Wonders' Wonders". 

CBC's Seven Wonders of Canada.
This list includes the canoe, the igloo, and the prairie sky. I wonder if the CBC is aware that other countries also have canoes, igloos, and skies.

Top seven as voted by Canada (as opposed to Canadians?) 
The Northern Lights is on this list.  Again, I wonder if Canada thinks it has a monopoly on the Aurora Borealis.

Canada's short list (I wonder why they call it that. It's actually pretty long) includes the Stanley Cup. I wonder if the listing of this "wonder" is temporarily shelved when an American team is the NHL champion. And if so, since no Canadian team has won the cup since 1993, I wonder if it will ever become a "wonder" again. Also on this list is the Vegreville egg, which is apparently the second largest pysanka in the world. I wonder what the heck a pysanka is. I wonder why this list didn't include the Wawa Goose or Sudbury's Big Nickel.

Two of the Seven Wonders of Northern Ontario?

AND, during a break from working on this post, I had to bring my car in for repair. While in the waiting area, there on the table next to my chair, so help me, was this:

 

Since it seems as if everyone has such a list, you may be wondering if there are seven wonders in our humble little village of Minikin.

Well, wonder no more!

Proudly presenting, THE SEVEN WONDERS OF MINIKIN!!! (Colossal fanfare here, please).

The Colossus of Rhodes

(perhaps not so colossal in every respect) 

The Colossus of Rhodes was a statue erected in the city of Rhodes, adjacent to an apparently very cold harbor, and was easily the most visible feature of the entire city (to be clear, we're talking about the whole statue here). The "Lost Us" of Roads on the other hand - our first Minikin wonder - is quite likely the most obscure road in the entire world. It is the unmarked western extension of East Horse Manure Road - which itself is an extremely vague route. A dusty back road at its most recognizable, The "Lost Us" of Roads - as it is known by locals and anyone who has had the misfortune of traveling it — whittles down to not more than a confusing footpath before emerging from a cornfield and continuing on as more or less a recognizable vehicular route. If you somehow reach its end, you're likely to be met with stupefied stares from locals who wonder how you made it that far. Incidentally, in Minikin, someone lost or discombobulated in speech or thought is said to have "gone west on East Horse Manure Road." 

The "Lost Us" of Roads, at its most passable

The original Temple of Artemis stood for nearly 200 years. By comparison, Minikin's Tempo of Art Amos has been running in fine form since 1984. I doubt that this fabulous Ford model will last as long as the famous Temple, but who knows? It's a wonder it's been on the road this long.

The Tempo of Art Amos

The oldest of the Seven Wonders, and the only one still standing is The Great Pyramid of Giza . It may leave sightseers awestruck, but Minikin's Great Beer Amid the Geezers has locals wondering how it is possible that this small group of old guys can chug down so much brew every day. It's not unusual to see a gargantuan pile of empties and a great many yet unopened libations at the feet of Cowboy, Wilson, Big Tom, and the Admiral.

 

The Great Beer Amid The Geezers: before and after

The Mausoleum at Halicarnassus built between 353 and 350 BC was an impressive elevated tomb. Almost as impressive is the Moss on Liam and Holly Carr's Backhouse. An amazing amount of this dense, flowerless vegetation sits atop the Carr's rickety, clapboard privy. Some have speculated that there isn't any substance to the roof other than the moss itself. Have a seat, but don't get too relaxed lest the roof collapses and you're caught with your pants down. It's a wonder that hasn't happened to anyone yet.

The Moss on Liam and Holly Carr's Backhouse 

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon comprised a number of tiered gardens adorning a palace in ancient Babylon (present day Iraq). Having no archeological evidence or documentation, the historic authenticity of the gardens is in question. The Hanging Gardens of Bob Allen on the other hand are Minikin's simplified yet bona fide version. Eight separate "gardens" sprout from large plastic buckets hanging from from a log frame. It's a wonder why Bob didn't go with some decorative baskets rather than the industrial-look containers. Even so, they're an improvement over the clay pots Bob once used. During high winds, they would frequently crash against each other leaving a pile of flower petals, dirt, stems, leaves and terracotta. They were known at that time as the Clanging Gardens of Bob Allen.

 

The Hanging Gardens of Bob Allen

The Lighthouse of Alexandria, constructed between 284 & 246 BC., was over 100 meters tall and was the tallest structure in the world at the time. The Light at the House of Alex and Andrea is not nearly as tall, but here is a local wonder that likely surpasses the original in at least one regard; it almost certainly is brighter than any lighthouse ever constructed.

Demonstrating the wisdom of a kumquat, the counselors for the municipality of which Minikin composes a small part, decided to replace the lamp of the hamlet's only streetlight with one of those new LED lights that make the midday July sun look like an energy-efficient nightlight. The lamp is located directly beside the house of long-time residents Alex and Andrea. Every night at bedtime, they and their neighbors toss and turn in their beds until the light shuts off at sunup. Then, and only then, are they able to get some shuteye. As Alex put it, "It's brighter than the sun on equatorial Mercury. Glancing at it for a millisecond could damage your retina."

Just an aside; many years ago when we were just kids, a friend of mine was trying to think of the word "retina". He asked, "What part of the eye is it that can get burned from looking at the sun? The uterus?" 

The Light at the House of Alex and Andrea
Warning: Staring at this picture for any length of time could damage your uterus.

 

Created by the famous sculptor Phideas, the Statue of Zeus was a 41 foot tall statue at the sanctuary of Olympia Greece erected in the Temple of Zeus. The Statue of Bruce is a 21 inch tall statue in my backyard. I don't know who "sculpted" it, but I wonder if it just wasn't from a mold in some Chinese garden statue factory. Regardless, it's a wonder that it is included on this list. Well, maybe not so much considering its six "wondrous" companions, and the fact that seven were needed to complete the series.

 

The wondrous Statue of Bruce

There it is; the whole ball of wax. No need to wonder if you've seen everything worth seeing in this world (unless someone should create a gigantic ball of wax worthy of mention in some seven "wonders" list)

From the pinnacle of the Pyramid to the pedestal of the Statue of Bruce, we've pretty much covered it all, right here at good ol' Snow Shoveling In Canada. I wonder how many times the word "wonder" appears in this blog post.

Could there be a Seven Wonders of the Blogging World? Could this blog be included in that list?

I wonder.