Mnemonic Mnonsense

Remember this when attempting to spell rinhoserous, rhinoserus, rinocerous, that R animal with the big horn on his shnoz (sung to the tune of the children's ABCDEFG song):

♫  R then I or H is Next,
O this word Sure has me vexed. ♪

Well, at least it gives you five or six of the letters, I think.

What we have above is an example (albeit a lousy one) of a mnemonic; a device used to help memorize something. The word mnemonic comes from Mnemosyne, the Greek goddess of memory, which is ironic since no one will be able to remember that little tidbit of info.

Mnemosyne, The Forgettable Goddess Of Memory

A famous mnemonic for remembering the number of days each month is,

Thirty days has September,
April, June, and November,
All the rest have thirty-one,
Save February at twenty-eight,
But leap year, coming once in four,
February then has one day more.

But does this really work? September, November, and December all rhyme. You could get them mixed up and have your whole schedule in disarray. 

With that in mind, here is an improvement on that tired old mnemonic:

Thirty days has the S month,
April June and the N month.
The effin' F month has twenty-eight,
Except for leap years; add one date.

Remember as well that centenary years not divisible by four-hundred are not leap years. For example, the year 1900 is not divisible by four-hundred. therefore it is not a leap year and would have twenty-eight days that February and not twenty-nine as you might expect since it was four years after the previous leap year and you always thought leap years were every four years no matter what and also because, if you'll remember, the year 2000 (which is divisible by four-hundred) did have that extra day in February and so it strengthened the common belief that leap year is every four years. Then again, anyone born in 1900 wouldn't be around today and the next non-divisible-by-four-hundred centenary year would be 2100, and at the rate this planet is going, no one will be around to give a flying leap about what is or what is not a leap year. 

The mnemonic kind of loses its catchiness and memorability at the end there, but it is important that you learn it if you and the planet are still around in 2100. Keep in mind that there are people who can recite Mercutio's Queen Mab speech. 

In grade 12 chemistry class, we were required to know the first twenty elements on the periodic table. Wikipedia has a list of mnemonics which includes this one for remembering those twenty:

Harry, he likes beer by cupfuls, not over frothy, never nasty mugs allowed. Since past six closing, are kegs cancelled?

Seriously? Wouldn't it be just as easy to remember the elements themselves? Well, I've got that moronic mnemonic beat. To this day, I can name all twenty in order. Here is what I came up with back in high school. Just remember:

LiBeBCNOFNe and NaMgAlSiPSClAr

I can hear the readers at home now, "What kind of mnemonic is that? You just listed the symbols of the elements in order. How does that help? Besides, you have only sixteen of them there!"

Yes, I knew you would say that. All you need to do is remember Hydrogen and Helium as the first two elements. That should be easy enough - the two lightest elements and both beginning with an H.

Now, phonetically sound out the first of those two words as, "libby-bic-nof-nee". The second one is pronounced, "nam-gal-sip-sclar".  

With elements 19 and 20, well, you'll just have to remember them. Maybe the first three letters of KC and the Sunshine Band?

From this day forward, your friends and acquaintances will think of you as some sort of chemistry professor.

Similarly, I remember the colors of the spectrum (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet) with the word ROYGBIV (pronounced roygbiv).

Apparently, there is an alternate strategy using the strange phrase, Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain. You're supposed to somehow remember that odd expression. You might try to recall it and think, Henry Of Lancaster Did Scuffle For Naught, and come up with a spectrum of hazel, orange, lavender, dandelion, salmon, fuchsia, and navy. You'd be right on "orange", but strike out with the rest, giving you a score of one out of seven. Better to go with ROYGBIV instead. It's never failed me.

Some mnemonics are just downright dumb. 

Here are three of the most bizarre and unmemorable ones for naming the planets in our solar system (Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus Neptune, Pluto):

Most Vegetables Eat More Juice So Usually Never Pee
Many Vicious Elephants Met Just Slightly Under New Pineapples
Mark's Very Extravagant Mother Just Sent Us Ninety Parakeets

Those absolutely stink! What do they even mean? Vegetables eat juice and pee? And if they eat (as opposed to drink) more juice, wouldn't they be more likely to pee? Vicious elephants meet "just slightly" under new pineapples? Do docile elephants meet very substantially under old pineapples? Who is Mark and why is his mom sending us a flock of birds? And if she's so extravagant, why didn't she choose the much more expensive parrot? How is anyone supposed to remember those? They're so arbitrary and nonsensical that one would need a mnemonic to remember them. 

A better idea is to remember the Sun, then My Very Easy Method, Jack, then SUN again. Forget Pluto. It's been downgraded to a minor planet and doesn't count anymore.

For all my American readers out there, I thought I would come up with a mnemonic to remember all of the Canadian provinces in case one of those annoying Canadian geography questions come up in Jeopardy, or if you somehow find yourself at a Canadian embassy soiree in Washington D.C. From west to east the provinces are British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Ontario, Quebec, New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island, Nova Scotia, Newfoundland and Labrador (Newfoundland and Labrador may be more than a mouthful, but it is just one province). Then we have the territories, Yukon, Northwest Territories, and Nunavut. As you can see, three of the ten provinces begin with N as do two of the three territories, which we shall address.

Using a goofy mnemonic like the planet ones previously discussed, I could give you:

Bring Along Spider Monkeys Or Question Not Perfectly Normal Nougats, You Ninja Nurses.

I dare say we'd be better off with my word creation method and have:

BASMO QuNePNoNe
Pronounced bas-mo que-nep-no-nee. Sounds like a name. Basmo Quenepnone - the Greek god of Canadian Geography.

As far as the territories go, just think of YNN pronounced "youninny", as in "why can't you remember those names, you ninny!"
Or as in the following conversation;
"What's that province mnemonic again?"
"Basmo QuNePNoNe, you ninny!"
"Thank you. Very good of you to include the territories as well."

And to help with the N dilemma, just memorize this "poem":

Rememb'ring those N names is easy my son;

Just say, "New B, Nova, New L, North, and Nun."

Rolls right off the tongue.

Finally, here is a mnemonic (also sung to the tune of the children's ABCDEFG song) to help remember how to spell mnemonic and other tough words:

♪ Silent m before the n,
e-m-o-n-i-c then. 
P then n to spell pneumatic;
Sometimes words are problematic.
Then again it ain't no fuss
To spell the word "rino rinho rhinos..." ♫ 

I'll never remember how to spell that big dumb animal.