Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Presenting a Pirate Post

When Frederic was a little lad,
He grew so brave and daring,
His father thought he'd 'prentice him
To some career sea-faring.
I was alas his nurs'ry maid,
And so it fell to my lot,
To take and bound the promising boy
Apprentice to a PILOT.
A life not bad for a hearty lad,
'though surely not a high lot.
'Though I'm a nurse, you might do worse
Than make your boy a pilot.

I was a stupid nurs'ry maid
On breakers always steering.
And I did not catch the word aright
Through being hard of hearing.
Mistaking my instructions 
Which within my brain did gyrate,
I took and bound this promising boy,
Apprentice to a PIRATE!
A sad mistake it was to make,
And doom him to a vile lot.
I bound him to, a pirate: You!
Instead of to a pilot.

- sung by Ruth in The Pirates of Penzance

Mark September 19 on your calendar, me hearties, so you don’t miss Talk Like A Pirate Day.

If you never learn to talk properly like a pirate, then phrases like “Arrr”, “Shiver me timbers", “Hoist the Jolly Roger you scurvy knave", and “Fetch me some grog, bilge-rat" are likely to be expressed as, “Ohhh”, “Vibrate my beams", “Raise that skull and crossbones flag you vitamin C deficient reprobate”, and “Bring me a rum and coke you seepage-area rodent”.

By the way, if a pirate said “The bosun ate his vittles in the fo'c's'le”, and you said “The boatswain ate his victuals in the forecastle” would you be saying it differently?

Most people think of pirates as filthy, disgusting, low-life thugs who terrorize people on the high seas. But the pirates that I’m familiar with are funny (Captain Jack Sparrow), entertaining (The Pirates of Penzance), handsome (Captain Blood and The Crimson Pirate), adventurous (Captain Nemo and Long John Silver), and sometimes downright buffoonish (Captain Hook).

Most men (and maybe a lot of women) have wanted to be a pirate at one time or another. Who wouldn’t want to wear a buccaneer hat, sail the seven seas while drinking grog, and sing maritime ditties to the accompaniment of a hornpipe? I know that’s on my bucket list.

But I don’t know if I have the barnacles to wear a pirate outfit as everyday attire. I have however dressed as a pirate on more than one occasion for Halloween. There was a lot of grog at one of those soirées and — being three sheets to the wind —  I may have given my lunch the heave-ho.

Hmmm. Maybe I can cross the pirate experience off of that Davy Jones' Locker list.

A nearby eatery which is a favorite of local pirates.

Warning: The label does not mean, "Drink this and you will turn into a pirate".

I've written this post since I am somewhat of an expert on pirates. In addition to the fact that my computer uses Avast! anti-virus, I have twice been on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney World. I must say that I enjoyed the ride the first time we were there. On our second trip to Disney World I had the unfortunate experience of going on the It's A Small World ride which subsequently made me detest all attractions featuring electro-mechanical figures.

For those of you who have never had the Small World experience, may I say you're lucky. What happens is you get in a boat that takes you on a seemingly endless journey through an animated-doll hell where thousands of tiny mechanical figures sing "It's a small world after all..." over and over until you swear you're going to go stark raving doublooney. Aaaarrrrgggghhh!!!

I wanted to jump out of the boat and swim pirate-like over to where these little scalawags were. But instead of having a dagger clenched in my teeth, I would have had a wrench so that I could have dismantled a few of the minuscule monsters. I imagined myself kidnapping a few of those devil dolls, taking them over to the Pirates of the Caribbean and either keelhauling them or hanging them from the nearest yardarm. Yo ho ho!

In closing, I'd like to say "Fair winds to ye mateys. May your sails be full and your crow's nest free of crows.  May your poop deck be washed and your buckle swashed".

Weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen.
Off to the next post. Q has risen.


  1. i enjoyed this pirate post--that fun poem at the beginning most especially. :)
    Happy A-Zing!

    1. Thank you. And on behalf of William S. Gilbert — thank you.

  2. Fun post from start to finish. Love the Gilbert & Sullivan song and the "Far Side" cartoon, but the G. Thomas Bolton stuff was darned funny, too. May yer poop deck be un-pooped upon, and yer buckle be unhooked. (So ye can take a comfy nap, matey!)

  3. When my youngest was 3 we spent many days at Disneyland. Her favorite ride was Pirates of the Carribean. I lost count of the number of times we rode that thing. The plus to this was the ride is 15 mintues long, it sure was nice to rest my feet for an extended period of time!

    There is not enough money to pay me to go on the small world ride. Not going to happen.

    1. Thanks for your comments Jenn. I agree. The Pirates ride is very relaxing and enjoyable. It’s been awhile, and if I ever go back to Disney World (not likely) I would see that again. On the other hand, I would rather be flogged with a cat o’ nine tails than experience It’s A Small World again.