Friday, April 13, 2012

A Brief History Of Lake Hurigan

Minikin is my hometown.  Lake Huron is my homelake.

I can see Lake Huron from my house, which makes me somewhat of an expert on it, in much the same way that Sarah Palin was well-versed about foreign policy due to the fact that Russia was in close proximity to her home.

Lake Huron is named after the indigenous people known as the Hurons. The Hurons were lake dwelling natives. This is not to say that they lived right in the lake, but they did live, work, and build homes near the shore. This was due in large part to the abundance of grizzly bears, wolves, and saber-toothed tigers that roamed the area in the 17th century. The natives found safety from such attackers by swimming a few yards out into the fresh water.

In winter, the grizzly bears hibernated so they weren’t much of a threat. But the wolves and saber-toothed cats would chase the Hurons out onto the ice, where they (the Hurons) had to move quickly. Incidentally, the Hurons were excellent ice skaters.

Lake Huron is technically just part of Lake Huron-Michigan which is the largest freshwater lake in the world. But Lake Huron-Michigan is such a clunky appellation. I propose that it henceforth be called Lake Michiguron or Lake Hurigan or something like that.

The Great Lakes were formed long before humans walked upon the Earth. Aliens, in fact, created them; but not with the purpose of creating gorgeous bodies of water. Oh no. The aliens dug out large portions of earth, intending to make a large sculpture of an elephant (relatives of the modern day elephant roamed the Earth well before the emergence of human beings, and the aliens apparently revered them).

This elephant sculpture is visible today as a geographic oddity known as Southern Ontario. The lakes were formed when snow, ice, and rain filled in the holes dug up by the aliens.

Lake Michiguron-Hurigan is home to many species (pronounced spee-shees) of fish (pronounced feesh),  including the Longnose Sucker and the Rainbow Smelt (it’s debatable as to which would have the more sensitive proboscis; a long-nosed sucker or something that can smell a rainbow).

Other wildlife observed in the area are seagulls, and many more seagulls. Actually, I (truly) heard a story from a local woman who was walking her small dog along the beach and was stalked by a couple of coyotes. I was not aware of the presence of beach coyotes until then, but an internet search showed 14,700 results for “beach coyote”.

So, if you want to relax on a sunny day without worrying about an attack from a beach coyote, your best bet is to build a sand sculpture in the shape of a Rottweiler next to your lounge chair. If the coyote is dumb and/or brave enough to approach and sniff the sculpture, just kick sand in its face.

Warning: The last bit of advice was only a joke. If you are approached by a beach coyote, you are advised to perform the “Huron Tribe maneuver" and retreat into the lake.

Warning: That warning was a joke too. If you really are approached by a beach coyote... well, I don’t know what you should do. As I said, there are 14,700 hits on a Google search for “beach coyote”. Your best bet is to look there for further advice.

Oh give me a home
Where beach coyotes roam
And the seagulls and rainbow smelt play
Where you may need to make
A run into the lake
To keep dangerous wildlife at bay

I'm going for a swim. I think I see a coyote.


  1. Oh that elephant reference is too funny! So unfortunate for the people of Owen Sound! Have you ever seen a proboscis monkey? I am wondering if somewhere along the evolutionary chain they might be related to those nose-named fish spee-shees. :)

    1. What kind of sound does a geographical elephant with gas make?
      Yes, I have seen pictures of the proboscis monkey. That is one ugly cuss.

  2. This is sooooo funny. Anybody ever tell you that your wit is sharper than that snow shovel of yours? Really. I loved it. As for a beach coyote, I'd rather meet one of them than a lounge lizard.

    1. Thanks Susan. Lounge lizards at Coyote Ugly are really scary.