Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Are U Wearing Undies?

U is for Underwear.

Let’s all say it together, “underwear”. See, that wasn't so difficult. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. We all wear underwear. Well, maybe not all of us or at all times. Some of us may prefer to “go regimental” now and then.

Underwear is important. It provides a needed barrier for our outerwear. It provides protection and support. As well, it keeps our tushes warm in winter when we're shoveling snow (See? I do mention snow shoveling now and again).

We should celebrate our underclothing. We could create a holiday, if someone else hasn't already beaten us to it.

I personally have a few different styles of underwear; briefs, boxers, boxer briefs. They are made from a variety of materials; cotton, silk, polyester, leather, and fur (just joking on the last two).

I’m partial to the boxer briefs. They aren’t as constricting as most briefs and not so roomy as regular boxers. Just in case you're not sure what boxer briefs look like, here is a photo of me in a pair (I hesitate to post this since I haven't been working out lately).

I really need to do some sit-ups.

Boxers don’t support me, so I won’t support the use of them. You might as well strap on a loincloth, or drapes, or just tuck a long shirt into your pants. But I do kind of like my bunny boxers. They're satin.

Is it a sacrilege to wear Playboy bunny shorts on Easter?

Tarzan of the Drapes

Do your boys hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot?
Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you throw 'em over your shoulder
Like a continental soldier?
Do your boys hang low?
(used in a Fruit of the Loom underwear ad promoting briefs)

Jockey-style briefs are generally too tight. Oddly enough, I always have the urge to go see “The Nutcracker” whenever I wear them. (that joke was inspired by another Fruit of the Loom ad promoting boxers).

I’ve never owned a thong, nor do I have a great urge to wear one. I’ve always felt it would be a little disconcerting to walk around all day with a constant wedgie. I’d be perpetually picking at my posterior.

Now let’s have a look at my wife’s underwear, shall we? My wife tends to wear... hold on a sec...

“Yes, honey? Well I’m writing an entry in my blog. I’m discussing underwear and I was just going to mention your unmentionables. What? You don’t want me to talk about your knickers? It’ll be all right. I know it’s a delicate subject but I’ll be brief. Ha Ha. Get it? But seriously, no talk of your undergarments? OK.

Well that puts the kibosh on that. Maybe I can conjure up memories of a few of my old girlfriends’ underwear. Let me see... it’s been so long...  No, this isn’t going to work. Perhaps some female readers out there can send me photos of themselves in their underwear. You don’t have to be in your underwear. What I mean to say is you can just send a photo of your underwear... hold on...

Yes dear? I was just asking some women if they would send some pictures of their underwear. It’s for educational purposes, I swear. You’ve read my blog. You know how informative it is. No? What are you doing? I think you're overreacting. Let go of my laptop. Hey.... "

U is for Ulysses by James Joyce.

I understand that this is considered a modern classic although I’ve never read it. But I had to choose something that begins with U.

Perhaps some female readers out there are familiar with this novel and can tell me about it. Maybe you’ve read it in your underwear. If so, I would appreciate... hold on a sec...

Yes dear, it’s about Ulysses. No, don’t read it. Stop! Hey! Let go of my laptop. Let go I say... Hey... "


  1. Ha!!! Too funny! You must keep your wife in stitches.

    1. If you mean I keep her clothed, yes I do. Underwear and all.

  2. What a nice post about underwear and I agree that you should probably do more situps:) I remember reading an essay about a woman who sold her underwear on ebay and I was like, WHAT? People pay lots of money for used underwear. Um, gross. Then I found out there's a whole thing for "Used shoes" on ebay. Double gross.
    So, thanks for grossing me out with your underwear post. (I'm kidding, I'm totally not grossed out, just amused) I'm glad your wife didn't let you take pictures of her underwear. Some guy might want to buy them or something.

    1. Hmmm. I've always wondered if there was some way I could make this blogging pay off.

  3. Laughing still! It was refreshing to say "underwear"! Two things: I am so glad you did not say women's "panties". I do not know why but I hate that word. Secondly, thankfully you blog on a laptop, would hate to see your wife pick up a desktop to clobber you with!! Blogging....it can be dangerous to your health. :)

    1. And it's not wireless. So the network cable prevented her from wielding it effectively.

  4. LOL! Great post! I love "the boys" song. I've never seen that commercial. I sung it to the tune of 'Turkey in the Straw'. ;)

    1. Thank Janyce. My wife and I used to laugh our underwear off whenever we saw that commercial.