When Is Easter? It's A Moveable Feast, Sir

 ♫ "In your Easter bonnet... "♪

“Oh, yeah? Well, the same to you Mac!”

Easter is coming soon — I think. No one really knows when Easter will take place each year since it is a moveable feast and its date is supposedly set by some mind-dizzying formula that was named after an ancient Roman data processing machine. To illustrate how confusing this all is, the third day before Easter has been called Monday Thursday.

All that really matters is that this is the time of year that pretty well marks the end of the snow shoveling season in Southern Ontario. It is also the weekend of chocolate bunnies, multi-colored hard-boiled eggs, and hot cross buns.

Hot cross buns! Hot cross buns!
One a penny two a penny - hot cross buns
If you have no daughters, give them to your sons
One a penny two a penny - hot cross buns

Luckily, I never had any sisters.

I recently read an article on how Easter has never evolved into a popular secular holiday like Christmas. Perhaps one reason is that no kids want to have their picture taken while sitting on the lap of a giant rodent-like creature. A furry, flea-ridden, buck-toothed lagomorph doesn't quite compare to the merry, rosy-cheeked, kindly old image of Santa Claus (even so, ol' Kris Kringle has elicited his own share of scares).

If you need proof, check out these images of little tykes having their photo taken with the Easter Bunny:

Yipes!

Easter bunnies from the mind of Stephen King!

"Here comes Peter Cottontail!!!"

An event that allegedly takes place on Easter is the Easter Parade. But in all my years I’ve never witnessed a parade on Easter anywhere I've lived. Nor have I come across any parades while flipping through the television channels on that particular day; although, someone did make a movie about this annual March/April march.

From a Wikipedia article about the Easter Parade and the fine apparel associated with it:

“An old Irish adage stated "For Christmas, food and drink; for Easter, new clothes," and a 15th-century proverb from Poor Robin's Almanack states that if on Easter Sunday some part of one's outfit is not new, one will not enjoy good luck during the year.

At Easter let your clothes be new,

Or else be sure you will it rue.”

At Easter let your clothes be new, Or else be sure you will it rue??? What kind of a terrible, strained rhyme is that? I'm sure someone could come up with a better verse than that. I'll have a crack at it (ha ha. get it? crack... eggs... you know... Easter eggs... forget it). Let's see if I can make an improvement on that addled adage:

At Easter time new clothes do get,
Or you damn sure will it regret.

That's much better. 

I recall as a kid in school we sang:

♪ On the Avenue, Fifth Avenue,
The photographers will snap us
And you'll find that you're in the rotogravure.♫ 

When it came to that last word, we may just as well have been asked to sing pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. It was hilarious the way we stumbled over it. There may have even been a few curses uttered in lieu of the word, but the teacher never noticed. To this day I still don’t know what rotogravure means.

But I am thinking of starting the Easter Parade tradition here in our little village of Minikin. My wife and I will dress up in our Easter best, put a decorative collar on our pooch, and take a walk around the cul-de-sac. I can just see us strolling elegantly about the neighborhood. I'll be a veritable fashion plate in my new jacket, snazzy pants, spiffy hat, shiny shoes, and doggy poop bag.

♫ Oh, I could write a sonnet about your Easter bonnet…♪

 But I won't. I'll just wish you a Happy Easter; whenever that is.