Nude, Stewed, and Pursued

NUDE

It's been such a mild winter, that I've decided to spend the rest of it in the nude. This might make for some uncomfortable situations when shopping, visiting friends, and shoveling snow. But all I will need to do is put on a few layers of clothing. I can still be nude underneath! In fact, this is how I plan to live the rest of my life  —  nude underneath my clothes. However, this begs the question shovels the postulation raises the question, "In what state was I under my clothes previously?" The same actually. The only difference between then and now is a small mental adjustment. Ah, nudity. The feeling! The freedom! And here's an idea for those who really enjoy being nak

We interrupt this blog to bring you this urgent message from the author's conscience. The writer of this blog has purposely used the subject of nudity in a blatant attempt to gain readership. This post in no way reflects the staid, sober, and decent journalism normally exhibited here. This blog has never before mentioned  NUDITY, or SEX. We condemn any mention of NUDITY or SEX now. We will stay vigilant to prevent any mention of NUDITY or SEX in the future. Thank you.


STEWED

A recent news item stated that the cost of  spirits, beer, wine, etc. are on the rise again.

“As of March 1, the cheapest spirits will rise by 50 cents on a 750 ml bottle to $23.90. The provincial government says about 10% of spirits are priced at the lowest possible amount”, says the article.

But what does this business of 10% at the lowest possible amount mean? For cryin’ out loud, I can’t imagine how prices could possibly be any HIGHER!!!

The article goes on to say, “The cheapest wine will increase by 5 cents to $5.90 a 750 ml bottle, but the LCBO doesn't sell any at that price anyway.”

What the heck do they mean by that??? Could you imagine a car dealer telling you that “the cheapest new car you can buy in Ontario is $7,000. But we don’t sell any at that price. You’ll have to fork over $30,000 for the cheapest that we or anyone else in the province can sell”.  WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???!!!

In addition, the article states, “The Ontario government first introduced its annual inflationary increase in 2009, killing the then-popular buck-a-bottle beer.” That’s not the only thing the government is going to kill at this rate. It will be only a matter of time before only the rich can afford to drink even the basest rotgut.

Thank you Ontario government and the LCBO (which really stands for Liquor Costs Big in Ontario).

I think I’ll investigate the possibility of drinking some exotic mind-altering teas, if there are any out there (and before the government gets their grubby greedy hands on them).


PURSUED

A recent headline in the Antler River Free Press read: "Cops use Facebook to end standoff"

The dateline was Winnipeg and it said in part, "Mounties ended a standoff in northern Manitoba using Facebook earlier this week."

The article didn’t elaborate much further. I can only assume that the head of some tactical unit with the RCMP said, “Quick. Get a picture of a S.W.A.T. team with guns pointed straight at the camera. We'll post it on our Facebook page with the caption “Surrender, scumbag" or something like that. Then we’ll send a friend request to the perp and wait until he accepts. Once he goes to our page to have a look at the photos, we'll have him.”

Perhaps the miscreant was guilty of being nude and drunk and that's why the Mounties were pursuing him. I can't speak for the average Manitobanite, I mean Manitober, uh Manitobian, that is to say resident of Manitoba, but fortunately for me, Ontario has not only cold weather, but high booze prices as well. That's why I'm not likely to become a fugitive from justice; nude, stewed, and pursued.

However, I would like to offer my blog to any law enforcement agencies who might want to use it to capture criminals.

  "Surrender you scumbag (but otherwise fine person for reading this blog)." 

Although, my readers are usually gentle law-abiding types. In order to attract the criminal element, I may have to post pictures of stolen items  —  booty, swag, hot goods.

Booty, Swag, and Hot Goods

Again we must apologize for the blatant use of SEX and partial NUDITY in the above image. This must stop. In fact, this whole article with it's mentioning of NUDITY, ALCOHOL, CRIME and MIND-ALTERING TEAS must be censured completely. 

We urge you to stop reading this particular blog post now.